MM
Monday, February 28, 2005
An exhibition that's a load of old rubbish
The Serpentine gallery in Kensington gardens always seems to have unusual pieces of modern art, a bit like a mini Tate gallery.The new installation is no exception. Tomoko Takahashi lived in the gallery for weeks setting it up and spent months prior to that collecting what was basically a load of old junk.It is,however , an incredible sight looking a bit like Santas grotto for the poor. At first it looks very uncoordinated until you look closer and see order in the chaos. The smell of old cardboard hits heavy and the beeping and buzzing noises add a great atmosphere to the whole surreal scene, giving it childlike aura.Apparently at a later date you can actually take a piece of the installation home with you ...everything must go! What you might do with it is another question, however I do have my eye on a 1980's computer monitor,its miles better than mine.
One to watch:
Around the world in 80 treasures.
The Mayan burial pyramids of Palenque and a dotty presenter. What more could you ask for? Watch it even if it's only to get some sunshine into the living room.
One to watch:
Around the world in 80 treasures.
The Mayan burial pyramids of Palenque and a dotty presenter. What more could you ask for? Watch it even if it's only to get some sunshine into the living room.
Friday, February 25, 2005
Porn to swim?
The sports centres and health clubs of London are such amazing places to find strange assortments of human life. I was having a casual swim yesterday at my local pool,trying to avoid contact with all the obese,hairy,spluttering swimmers(and that was only the women)heading in my direction, when I heard something unusual. At first I had to pinch myself(very hard to do without drowning)to check I was at a swimming pool. The sound was directed to a small boy attempting to swim, but the sound was coming from a blond buxom lady ,with no waist, sporting a very skin tight white bikini top and tight pink shorts .A sort of Pamela Anderson without the lips.
"OOO000H" she said in a voice that flowed slower than treacle from a spoon.
"Thats gooooood.Oooh, I luuuuuurve watching you swim.O00000h, you swim SOOOOOOOO GUUUUUURRRRDDDD.You are such a GUUUUURRRRRRD boy. Yeah, OOOOH thats right swim to me".
Looking around I could see the edgy looks on all the men, wondering how they were gonna get out the pool without showing some very embarassing packages.I could feel water heating up now nearly at temperatures hot enough to cook a sunday afternoons Brussel sprouts.
"OOOOOOH yeah,thats fantastic" she said ,bending over the pool edge and showing more cleavage than brickie with a pair of slacks. I could just imagine how this kid was going to grow up.Frantically searching the London phone boxes for some sleazy hooker to fulfill the same praises as he had received as a child.Never understanding why he couldn't find some beautiful woman that treat him as if he were a God.One can only wonder if the new age working mothers of today know what is happening to their fobbed off children.
Surprise!
One to watch :
Remember Killing joke, the early eighties post punk band? Well they're playing at Shepherd's bush Empire for their last night tonight,25 years after they first played there. One has to wonder if they'll be bringing their zimmer frames along or whether they'll just be seated in armchairs.
"OOO000H" she said in a voice that flowed slower than treacle from a spoon.
"Thats gooooood.Oooh, I luuuuuurve watching you swim.O00000h, you swim SOOOOOOOO GUUUUUURRRRDDDD.You are such a GUUUUURRRRRRD boy. Yeah, OOOOH thats right swim to me".
Looking around I could see the edgy looks on all the men, wondering how they were gonna get out the pool without showing some very embarassing packages.I could feel water heating up now nearly at temperatures hot enough to cook a sunday afternoons Brussel sprouts.
"OOOOOOH yeah,thats fantastic" she said ,bending over the pool edge and showing more cleavage than brickie with a pair of slacks. I could just imagine how this kid was going to grow up.Frantically searching the London phone boxes for some sleazy hooker to fulfill the same praises as he had received as a child.Never understanding why he couldn't find some beautiful woman that treat him as if he were a God.One can only wonder if the new age working mothers of today know what is happening to their fobbed off children.
Surprise!
One to watch :
Remember Killing joke, the early eighties post punk band? Well they're playing at Shepherd's bush Empire for their last night tonight,25 years after they first played there. One has to wonder if they'll be bringing their zimmer frames along or whether they'll just be seated in armchairs.
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Schizophrenia and Estate Agents
I was so looking forward to 'Blue/orange'on BBC3 last night about schizophrenia. Having heard so much about the play and how many awards it had claimed I thought it was worth watching ,and indeed it was .However, as I had been up early working that day,the weight of my eyes finally exceeded the weight of the day and I woke up with a jolt only to find one of the character's face staring at me through a mound load of credits(Have you noticed how it 's always the way when you fall asleep during a movie you wake up at the very end?) So if anyone saw the last 20 minutes please let me know.
Ok, let me take you away from the grime of London for just a second.Let me take you to a lovely little village in the Sunderland called East Herrington (nothing to do with fish by the way)and a quaint little apartment in a 19th century listed building complete with archway leading to a courtyard and gardens at the back that used to be where old livery stables stood.Sounds nice? Yes well it is.It happened to be my old residence up north and after leasing it out for 4 years now I decided to sell it. The Halifax estate agents told me anything from £65,000-£75,000. After hearing numerous stories from other people I knew i could at least add £20 000 on to this figure, after all they want to sell it as soon as possible to get their pound of flesh don't they? However,they advised me against this stating that no way would I get more than £80,000 for the property and so,complete with the worst picture ever taken since since Joseph Niepce in 1826, I decided on offers over £79,500 .Five days later and no mention of a garden at the rear later I got two offers for £82,000 and one for £86,000.So, the moral of the story is, listen to yourself and not a professional advisor.I have now put the guide price up to £92,000. Any takers on a piece of history? If you can get past the picture that is....
Events today:
Harold Pinter in conversation at the Royal Court theatre , Sloane square.Free! but you have to book on 02075655044
T.v highlight:
Horizon. Issues involved in genetically engineering babies before birth. Judging by the kids around my area I think it could be a blessing.
Ok, let me take you away from the grime of London for just a second.Let me take you to a lovely little village in the Sunderland called East Herrington (nothing to do with fish by the way)and a quaint little apartment in a 19th century listed building complete with archway leading to a courtyard and gardens at the back that used to be where old livery stables stood.Sounds nice? Yes well it is.It happened to be my old residence up north and after leasing it out for 4 years now I decided to sell it. The Halifax estate agents told me anything from £65,000-£75,000. After hearing numerous stories from other people I knew i could at least add £20 000 on to this figure, after all they want to sell it as soon as possible to get their pound of flesh don't they? However,they advised me against this stating that no way would I get more than £80,000 for the property and so,complete with the worst picture ever taken since since Joseph Niepce in 1826, I decided on offers over £79,500 .Five days later and no mention of a garden at the rear later I got two offers for £82,000 and one for £86,000.So, the moral of the story is, listen to yourself and not a professional advisor.I have now put the guide price up to £92,000. Any takers on a piece of history? If you can get past the picture that is....
Events today:
Harold Pinter in conversation at the Royal Court theatre , Sloane square.Free! but you have to book on 02075655044
T.v highlight:
Horizon. Issues involved in genetically engineering babies before birth. Judging by the kids around my area I think it could be a blessing.
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Putting the record straight
Many people have told me that camilla looks like a Baboon.I think this is a bit unfair and just to put the record straight.....
Camilla
A baboon
Camilla
A baboon
The 'Royal' wedding
Well,it's not quite the glitzy affair of Princess Diana is it? I'm talking ofcourse of the wedding of Charles and Camilla who have to resign themselves to no Church wedding and no Grooms mother either. We're not sure yet who is to give Charles away but lets face it we've all wanted to give him away over the past 15 years, to another country preferably.My suggestion for the wedding of the second would be here where a much more handsome bride could be found.
T.v highlights
Might for some of you be 'Jamie's dinners' where maybe, just maybe, we might see the shit get kicked of Jamie in a south London school, but don't hold your breath.Personally I'd rather eat a big bag of 'Pacers'followed by a big bag of 'spaceships'.Alternatively you could watch 'carry on behind' today which has much the same subject matter ie 'crap'.
A much better choice,however, would be 'Blue/orange' where two men have split ideas about a man's split personalities.If you think this sounds familiar then it may sound a bit like the news on the current gay Bishop row.
Events:
Those of us into talks about writers might like to know a talk by Geoff Dyer 'Wrestling with D.H Lawrence' is on tonight at Somerset house .A brilliant pun if ever I heard one.
T.v highlights
Might for some of you be 'Jamie's dinners' where maybe, just maybe, we might see the shit get kicked of Jamie in a south London school, but don't hold your breath.Personally I'd rather eat a big bag of 'Pacers'followed by a big bag of 'spaceships'.Alternatively you could watch 'carry on behind' today which has much the same subject matter ie 'crap'.
A much better choice,however, would be 'Blue/orange' where two men have split ideas about a man's split personalities.If you think this sounds familiar then it may sound a bit like the news on the current gay Bishop row.
Events:
Those of us into talks about writers might like to know a talk by Geoff Dyer 'Wrestling with D.H Lawrence' is on tonight at Somerset house .A brilliant pun if ever I heard one.
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
Our Ken, arrogant?
News in tonight: Well what do you know, Ken Livingston in the wars with the papers again.He has made it clear that there was nothing to apologize for in calling a Naz...er I mean newspaper reporter an Auschwitz guard.
Ken has done a lot for Culture in London (how often do you go to cities abroad and find all the museums free?)and here is a slap in the face from a London paper who, lets face it , are and have always been, run by conservatives.It is almost comical that they are now calling him arrogant when they practice arrogance as if it were a religion. Ken has always been a bit of a left winger and a person who speaks his mind even if it is to his detriment(does anyone remember him admitting he was bisexual?).This is the only underlying cause for what only can be described as this hate crime. Come on Mail newspapers, get a grip and let Ken get on with his job!
Ken has done a lot for Culture in London (how often do you go to cities abroad and find all the museums free?)and here is a slap in the face from a London paper who, lets face it , are and have always been, run by conservatives.It is almost comical that they are now calling him arrogant when they practice arrogance as if it were a religion. Ken has always been a bit of a left winger and a person who speaks his mind even if it is to his detriment(does anyone remember him admitting he was bisexual?).This is the only underlying cause for what only can be described as this hate crime. Come on Mail newspapers, get a grip and let Ken get on with his job!
Monday, February 21, 2005
Welcome
Welcome to the Metro Mole's site . My aim is to dish the dirt on all cultural happenings in London . This could include anything from books to theatre to events happening in the central London area. Please excuse the dull writing so far, it can only get better. As mature student i have been made to write and maintain a blogger for 6 weeks. This concept filled me with dread. Oh my god, I thought , I'm going to become one of those self obsessed, sanctimonous geeks who like nothing else to write about what flavour crisps (thats chips for American readers) I have eaten today and how many bowel movements I have had since last saturday (at least four thank you very much). You'll be all pleased to know I'm hardly going to mention me , myself or I , although I might give the odd opinion. So , what are you going to get out of this then ? good question. Well at the least you might get to know what's going in London , good and bad.Whether you live in London,work here, or just visit here occasionally you mind find some points of interest. I have to say after starting this blogging stuff ( how did blogging escape me for this long anyway?) I am rather looking forward to informing people and maybe getting opinions back from some of you.If I get enough feedback I might even keep the bloomin thing going!
Firstly I would just like to comment on something that has been buzzing around London for what seems like an eternity now. Every public transport seat,every waiting room,every house settee seems to be taken up by this big virus. Iam talking about the Davinci code ofcourse. For those of you haven't read it-WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN,MARS? For those 2 million uk people who have and missed Tony Robinson waffling on about it the other week you need to know something crucial . The whole premise of the story,the Holy grail secret, which was supposedly based on the truth , was a BIG FAT LIE, it was a hoax. So there, I got that off my chest. Ok , your probably sick of reading any further now so i'll let you go for your kitkat, another cuppa and ,lets face it,yet another Dan Brown book.
A Brand new government scheme.
Firstly I would just like to comment on something that has been buzzing around London for what seems like an eternity now. Every public transport seat,every waiting room,every house settee seems to be taken up by this big virus. Iam talking about the Davinci code ofcourse. For those of you haven't read it-WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN,MARS? For those 2 million uk people who have and missed Tony Robinson waffling on about it the other week you need to know something crucial . The whole premise of the story,the Holy grail secret, which was supposedly based on the truth , was a BIG FAT LIE, it was a hoax. So there, I got that off my chest. Ok , your probably sick of reading any further now so i'll let you go for your kitkat, another cuppa and ,lets face it,yet another Dan Brown book.
A Brand new government scheme.
